this layout features Yagami Raito (Light) and L (a.k.a. Ryuugi and Ryuuzaki, neither of which are his real name as far as we're aware of), from Takeshi Obata (creator of Hikaru no Go) and Tsugumi Ohba's Deathnote. gradient made by me, textures default. fonts used are Porcelain, Quake, Evanescence (yes, the font used by the band; it's in the lyrics), Anything You Want, and Redensek. lyrics from the song "imagine", written by John Lennon and covered (at least the version I was listening to while making the layout) by A Perfect Circle.
reflections
shadows
reference
autographs
extras
link me
host
blog crews...
gravitation blog crew:
Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one."
[ listening to ] Utada Hikaru - Passion
[ reading ] Spike/Xander fanfiction
[ doing ] singing along
[ thinking ] fucking aff!
[ feeling ] irritated
[ updates ] major update on night-singer; added chapters 15-20 of scar tissue, 6 + 7 of the beauty way, 1-3 of essence of starlight, and chapter 1 of slide off the moon
[ avatar from ] Juxtapose Fantasy
...I am going to kill aff if it doesn't start working correctly soon! since yesterday morning, like everytime I open a new page it takes three refreshes to stop telling me "the page cannot be displayed". every fucking time. and if it doesn't do that, half the time it says it can't connect to the network. it's like...wtf?! at first I thought it was just because I hadn't restarted my laptop in a while, so I did that this morning and it was fine for like...five chapters and then it started doing it again. I had to action-bash it with a sledgehammer two times yesterday! (...and if you know what I mean when I say that, I'm incredibly sorry my patheticness has rubbed off on you ^^;;)
...
MEH!
so anyhoo.
I've mentioned my friend joel a couple of times before.
well...julie, you remember asking if we were more than friends? well... --;; the answer is still no, but he's definitely interested. ::sigh:: I hung out with him on saturday and watched this (wicked awesome) movie called memento, about this guy who's hunting for the man who raped and murdered his wife (who is played, btw, by the girl from the original CSI that I don't like; rosie, you know the one I mean) and gave him a brain injury that results in a very rare type of amnesia where you can remember everything before the injury but can't make any new memories. the movie was really, really twisted, but it was very, very good. but anyway, he asked if he could hold my hand or put his arm around me. I was like...oo;;;; eep. I said yes, because, well, I do that with all my other friends (hell, nen-nen and I lick each other), but...it was really awkward, because the friends that I do that with are my really good friends, and I've known him for a total of two weeks. and he made it very clear at lunch that he would like to go out with me, but...
I don't know. I don't...deal well with relationships like that. none of the ones I've ever had worked out. admittedly, it was only three, but my first boyfriend dumped me because his friends didn't like me (fifth grade, haven't talked to him since), the only girlfriend I've ever had dumped me because I wouldn't tell her I loved her after two months and I didn't show enough affection (which, I will admit, I didn't), and my second boyfriend barely paid attention to me. you all know that I broke up with him, but...
...he did a number on me. it hurt, that I would just sit next to him in class and he would barely even look at me, just babbled at fucking crispy. and I still don't think I'm over him, 'cause I'll see or think something and he'll just pop into my head, and he won't fucking leave and I almost cried myself to sleep last night because he popped into my head and just wouldn't go away.
okay, back from like...a five minute cuddle with cerberus (who, if you really know me, you know is my comfort doll)
so anyhoo.
I really don't think I'm ready for another relationship yet. and I don't want to lead him on, but I don't want to hurt him either, because that's just...well, in the words of my sister and in an attempt to cheer myself up, that's just rude.
...so yeah. this is probably one of the most personal entries I've ever written here.
::feels a little awkward, now::
k, think that's it for now. ja! >.>
written on 1.30.2006, at 9.42AM
