this layout features Yagami Raito (Light) and L (a.k.a. Ryuugi and Ryuuzaki, neither of which are his real name as far as we're aware of), from Takeshi Obata (creator of Hikaru no Go) and Tsugumi Ohba's Deathnote. gradient made by me, textures default. fonts used are Porcelain, Quake, Evanescence (yes, the font used by the band; it's in the lyrics), Anything You Want, and Redensek. lyrics from the song "imagine", written by John Lennon and covered (at least the version I was listening to while making the layout) by A Perfect Circle.
reflections
shadows
reference
autographs
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blog crews...
gravitation blog crew:
Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...
Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
You may say I'm a dreamer,
but I'm not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one."
[ listening to ] The Dresden Dolls - Gravity
[ reading ] To Light a Candle, by Mercedes Lackey and James Mallory
[ doing ] breathing
[ thinking ] ...meh.
[ feeling ] depressed
[ avatar by ] sinfulintention
::sigh::
yeah.
I was reminded today at work of something I keep trying to forget. x.x
you know about my humongous crush on alex?
well, I recently discovered he's dating this girl holly at the craft center. she's one of our artists in residence in the clay department. they've been dating almost since the day she started working here.
...I nearly died when I heard that. it was all I could do not to cry.
but the thing is, I can't even get mad at her about it, like I normally would. 'cause I just LIKE her. she's sweet and funny, and absolutely adorable. I just like her too damn much to get mad at her for dating alex...
you have no idea how hard it was for me to come to terms with that.
and now, all I can really do is wish them good luck and hope they're happy together.
it was really hard to deal with around thanksgiving, because one day while I was working at the craft fair they showed up together. I was like...you've gotta be kidding me. ;___; I heard one of them (can't remember who) talking to someone on their cell phone about the dinner and movie they were going out to that night, and I just had to walk away 'cause it hurt too much.
seeing them together is so...painful. and they're almost ALWAYS together; the rare time they're not, someone always brings up their relationship while talking to them, and I'm always there to hear it.
I just...
I don't know if I could take it much longer.
I don't know, maybe going to maine will make it easier to deal with...the whole "can't see it, it doesn't exist" complex, I guess.
and I can't even wish they'd break up, because I like them both too much and that would hurt BOTH of them...
written on 1.9.2005, at 9.55PM
